Lakunmi’s Chopsticks: One Thing You Should Hold Back While Giving All To Love
Recently, I had an emotional crisis. My long term relationship was obviously falling apart and I knew I wasn’t prepared for it. I wasn’t prepared at all! I definitely was going to fall too hard against the walls of loneliness and emptiness. So I decided to see what I could hold onto so my fall wouldn’t be too bad.
I searched for me. I thought I could hold onto myself so I don’t fall too hard but it so happened that I just didn’t find myself. I had lost myself in the process of loving another, so I crash landed and it was brutal! Trust me, it really was brutal. Getting off the ground was hard enough, not to speak of going through the process of healing. I stood up gradually with the help of my family and God, even though I had let go of God in the process of loving man.
In the process of getting up, I tried again to hold onto many things. My friends were not there because I had let them go and most importantly, my HAPPINESS was gone! There was nothing to hold onto. So I cried myself to sleep and resumed in the morning just like it happens in the movies.
WHY YOU SHOULD HOLD BACK YOUR HAPPINESS WHILE GIVING ALL TO LOVE!
Going into a relationship with the mindset of getting someone who will make you happy is one of the worst things you could do to yourself. That is why people break up on the basis of “He doesn’t make me happy or she doesn’t make me happy”, but that’s really wrong. You don’t need a spouse to make you happy. They are human and they aren’t perfect, so they’ll fail you!
There is a problem when you are so deep into your spouse that all you do depends on them, your happy days, your sad days, everything. That’s the kind of relationship you get out of and you become a living dead!
You must know that giving all of your happiness to one person is absolutely your fault. You are in control of all the things you dash out to love. So if you bury your happiness in someone else, I mean, if you make them your reason for happiness, then it’s your fault.
WHAT YOU SHOULD INVEST YOUR HAPPINESS IN
Investing your happiness in your girlfriend or your boyfriend or your husband could be very dangerous. They could fail you, they could leave with another person and they could die! If any of these happens to someone you have relied so much for happiness, what will happen to you?
This is how I can help, think about the things that are part of you that cannot be stolen or taken away from you, things that cannot fail you, things that you are in control of. Here are the things that I think we could invest our happiness in that would actually stay with us for as long as we want
TALENT: Your talent is your uncanny gift, no one can change or take it. You already have it and you can control it anytime. You should build on it, spend time with it so even when you are in a relationship, you don’t lose yourself because you have established a relationship with your talent or talents. When I crash landed in the fallout from that relationship, I began to find myself over again. Building internal relationships again and my talents were the first resort.
In the process of my healing, I began to think in this pattern: what made you happy before? ……..him! No, I mean, asides him!……..ok, you actually liked writing and singing songs.
GOD: God is the most important. In my case, through writing and singing my songs, I linked myself back to the (Ultimate) Uncanny Being who cannot be stolen from me and can not disappoint me. Atleast, if I’m about to fall ever again, my internal affair with God would help me. I might fall but it will be on a bed instead of the walls of emptiness and sorrow!
Whatever religion you practice, keep a close walk with the God you believe in. If man fails, God will not fail. So, God is really a promising ground to invest your happiness. You can rely on Him for happiness anytime.
So, do you love to write, dance, sing, paint, sketch, act, design or what have you? Are you a Muslim or a Christian? Explore your talents, explore your God, rely on them. You are in charge. They won’t fail you!